For some reason, though, according to my tracking information, my Birchbox has been hanging out in Indiana for five days, so that review's gonna have to wait on deck.
Here's what I got this month:
As always, Ipsy came in a makeup bag. It has a record player on it. I don't have strong feelings about the bag design.
Urban Decay 24/7 Velvet Glide-On Eye Pencil in Black Velvet (0.03oz), approximate retail value $15
I was pretty excited to receive the new Urban Decay eyeliner pencil, which was just released last month. It was made with smudging in mind, for maximum smokiness, like burning bacon in a small kitchen.
To be frank, I am not a big fan of the smudgy liner look most of the time. I prefer crisp and clean lines. Still, I have used this for both a smudgy look and for regular tightlining (my usual pencil liner look) and it holds up for both purposes.
I would agree that the formula is a little more slick than Urban Decay's traditional black liners in Perversion and Zero, making it easier to smoosh up your lines as desired. Still, if you hadn't told me that this was the function of this liner, I probably would not have noticed, as the formula feels much more similar than different. All Urban Decay 24/7 pencil liners apply smoothly with rich color and stay put once applied (even when smudgy).
In terms of color, Black Velvet is darker than Zero, but grayer than Perversion. Additionally, Perversion looks much cooler in comparison to the warmer-toned Black Velvet.
|From left to right: Zero, Perversion, Black Velvet|
Elizabeth Mott Pop! Goes the Shadow in Champagne (full size at 0.07oz), retail value $12.99
On the packaging, this shadow literally claims that it is going to change my life. That's a really high standard, especially given how much eyeshadow I own. Well... it didn't do that. But I did think it was perfectly nice!
The color is like a bronzed up version of Stila's Kitten (although it doesn't have Kitten's softness or pigmentation).
It swatches fine and is a very usable, practical color, even if it's neither life-changing nor particularly special.
Mary Kay At Play Jelly Lip Gloss in Teddy Bare (full size at 0.32oz), retail value $10
Good news, you guys! I found it! You can stop looking. This is officially the worst lip gloss of all time.
I have never tried Mary Kay products because I try not to buy from companies that could reasonably be mistaken for a pyramid scheme. Luckily, if this product is indicative of the brand's quality, I am definitely not missing anything.
Let's start with the packaging. This looks like something that a 12-year-old would have purchased in the mid-90s. What adult, modern woman wants to own something so visually wretched? From the white cap to the squeezy tip, this looks like something that the dollar store would throw away. Then, the name, "Teddy Bare" manages to turn this train wreck into something really creepy. Infantilization? Yuck.
In comparison to the product inside, though, the packaging may as well have been designed by Alexander McQueen. I would say that a lipgloss is sticky if it had 1/3 the tackiness of this terrible goop. This is like putting half-dried Elmer's Glue on your mouth, but only it Elmer's Glue sunk into the lines of your lips.
To top it all off, the color is disgusting. When someone says the phrase "anal leakage", this is the color that comes to mind. A diluted, unflattering light brown.
|This is the BEST I could POSSIBLY make it look. It took like ten minutes to make this picture from being nauseating.|
This is the worst lip gloss. It is Guinness Book of World Records-worthy.
Dr. Brandt Microdermabrasion Skin Exfoliant (0.25oz), approximate retail value $9.75
I cannot get over how ludicrously priced this product is. It's $78 for TWO OUNCES. I cannot imagine that the average Ipsy subscriber is fitting a cleanser this expensive into their budget.
There is absolutely nothing about this cleanser that is special or that justifies this price. It's simply using regular old aluminum oxide as an abrasive. You can buy the same sort of product from fucking Neutrogena. Why would you pay for this?
Also, for the record, it's really rough, and I say this as someone who generally doesn't have problems with physical exfoliants. It's not only overpriced, it's right out as an option for anyone with sensitive skin.
Big Sexy Hair Root Pump (1.6oz), approximate retail value $2.71
This is a traditional textural mousse in an aerosol can.
Here's my hair sans any sort of product:
Here's how I look with the Big Sexy Hair Mousse added:
I think it did a pretty decent job of holding together the sporadic waves that I do have in my hair, so I was pretty happy with the product.
Bonus: TokyoMilk Dark Femme Fatale Collection Lip Elixer Lip Balm in No. 42 La Vie en Rose (full size at 0.7oz), retail value $7.00
This was a bonus item for referring folks to Ipsy. It was advertised as "Salted Caramel", but I ended up receiving La Vie en Rose. I saw a few people got both, and I can only assume that they sold their souls to the devil to receive such special treatment.
The product is 0.7 oz, so it's just slightly smaller than a 0.8oz tin of Rosebud Salve. Like Rosebud Salve, it's a petroleum jelly-based product.
To me, the smell is a pleasant milk of florals and peaches. Those are two of my favorite things, so I'm quite pleased with it. Plus, the packaging is so dang cute. It also gave a nice relief for my lips after that sticky Mary Kay monstrosity.
Total Box Value (Without Bonus): $50.45
Total Box Value (With Bonus): $57.45
Here's how I look with everything from this bag piled on my face:
|This is as smudge-y as my eyeliner gets.|
Overall, I'm not disappointed in this bag. I think it is consistent with the quality I expect from Ipsy. Nothing transformed my life, but the only thing I won't use at all is the lip gloss.
If you suddenly feel the need to join Ipsy, you're always welcome to use my referral link by clicking here.