Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Random Sample Grab Bag: Perfume Reviews Part 2

Agent Provocateur - Petale Noir. $87 ($51.17 per ounce)


Petale Noir is a deep, sexy floral that feels like it is creeping to the back of your head. There is also an aroma of sandalwood, which adds something seductive and almost creepy to the scent. This perfume smells like it would belong to someone who is getting away with something.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Ursula from the Little Mermaid.
 
Chloe - Eau de Parfum. $90 ($52.94 per ounce)


This perfume is the most boring lily that has ever been. I wish I could give a better description, but it is so utterly mundane that I have no words to describe it. In Jasper Fforde's deliciously well-written Thursday Next series, creatures known as adjectivores suck all the adjectives out of a noun. A perfume that had been attacked by adjectivores would not be spicy or woody or musky. It would just a perfume; nothing more, nothing less. If adjectivores are out in the real world consuming perfume, they have almost certainly found this Chloe fragrance.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Lily Potter from Harry Potter, the other most boring lily ever.
 
Dior - Aqua Fahrenheit (For Dudes). $80 ($18.82 per ounce)


This perfume smells like a spicy cucumber. It's a walking sexual innuendo, or at least the start of an exquisite and vibrant tzatziki sauce.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Algernon from the Importance of Being Earnest.
 
Escada - Especially Escada. $64 ($40 per ounce)


Especially Escada is a light floral with a hint of rose. It smells very innocent, but it also seems to be a little bit muddy and confused, as if it doesn't know what it wants to be.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Alice from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
  
Marchesa - Parfum D'extase. $85 ($50 per ounce)


This perfume is a very spicy freesia scent that is indisputably lust-inducing.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Dr. Frank N. Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
 
Narciso Rodriguez - Eau de Toilette. $77 ($48.13 per ounce)


Imagine that, twenty years ago, you purchased a box of tampons. Somehow, they ended up in the attic, where they sat untouched until today. Now, imagine you opened up these tampons, today. I speculate that that might approximate the scent of this product. The musky smell of expired sanitary products is exuded by this bizarre fragrance.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

10 comments:

  1. Christ, who knew Gollum smelled like musty tampons, eh? LOVED this post.

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  2. The last one cracked me up. You are hilarious... and apt. That fragrance is awful.

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  3. Bwahaha! Please never stop doing posts like this. I have a sample of that Narciso Rodriguez perfume somewhere and now I must find it because my curiosity is piqued.

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  4. Haha - I had samples of several of these and had to go sniffing at them tonight. Yuck on the last, and your description is sadly accurate. I would have called it something like "old lady weak floral" - but 20 year old tampons is much better. I also can't stop smelling it now.

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  5. I *knew* that Narcisso Rodriguez reminded me of my grandmother's bathroom somehow but I couldn't quite put my finger on it...

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  6. I nearly spit out my coffee when I read the bit about Lily Potter.

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  7. I love your descriptions, particularly the fictional characters, but I feel compelled to add that Chloe is overwhelmingly a rose scent, not lily. Yeah, I take my perfume too seriously.

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  8. FYI, Dr. Frank N. Furter wore 4711. The character has it tattooed on his thigh in the movie.

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