Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Random Sample Grab Bag: Perfume Reviews Part 5

It's "Robyn is a perfume sample hoarder" time again!

Bvlgari Omnia Crystalline Eau de Toilette. $65 for 1.3 fl oz ($50 per fl oz)




This perfume smells like a really soft, generic, not-very enthusiastic lily. Perhaps it is a lily that has given up on life and is ready for a slow, rotting death.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Ophelia from Hamlet by Shakespeare, near the beginning of the play when she is forbidden from seeing Hamlet by Laertes. 

Cartlier Baiser Volé Eau de Parfum. $103 for 1.6 fl oz ($64.38 per fl oz)




...and this is that same lily after it has been rotting a few days. The lily scent is strongly there, but it's paired with some very sour notes. It definitely smells nice (it doesn't smell like mold or anything), but there's a definite sharpness to it.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Ophelia from Hamlet by Shakespeare, as she commits suicide. 

Clean First Blush Eau de Toilette. $59 for 2.14 fl oz ($27.57 per fl oz)



This is a musky white tea scent with the smell of leaves. True to the brand's form, though, it definitely smells like something you might be really excited about in a laundry detergent.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Monica from Friends

Dolce & Gabbana Intense Eau de Parfum. $93 for 1.6 fl oz ($58.13 per fl oz)



This has a spicy vanilla scent, more like the homemade vanilla extract you make from vodka and vanilla beans than the one you might find at the store. There's also a hint of orange creamsicle in there. Although that description sounds really tame and sugary, there's definitely some really strong kickass personality to this scent.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Tiana from Princess and the Frog (2009)

Hanae Mori HiM Eau de Toilette (For Dudes). $74 for 1.7 fl oz ($43.53 per fl oz)




This scent smells like a shitload of pepper and woodiness. Strong smells aside, it's still very mild and wearable.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Doc from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)

Hugo Boss Boss Bottled Night Eau de Toilette. $60 for 1.6 fl oz ($37.50 per fl oz)




This perfume smells like freshly cut firewood and lemongrass.

As a side note, my boyfriend saw me sniffing this and said, "Are you wearing a perfume by the people who made Nazi uniforms...?"

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be the woodsman from Little Red Riding Hood


Marc Jacobs Daisy Eau de Toilette. $75 for 1.7 fl oz ($44.12 per fl oz)





This is a very sweet-smelling perfume, but not in a sickly or artificial way. It smells like a homemade strawberry jam pot de creme.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation

Marni Eau De Parfum. $106 for 2.2 fl oz ($48.18 per fl oz)



There's something about this perfume that's very sharp and green, like it's going to poke your eye with a stick. There's a hint of a rose-y smell, but it's quickly overwhelmed by the greenness, as if you stuck your nose in a Baronne Prevost, got a whiff of confirmation bias, and realized the whole thing was just a stem after all.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Petra Arkanian from the Ender's Game series by Orson Scott Card. 

Prada Luna Rossa Eau de Toilette. $62 for 1.7 fl oz. ($36.47 per fl oz)



To me, this smells like cheap scents you get in Christmas gift baskets from distant relatives who don't know you in which the scent is entitled "Ocean Breeze".

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be any wizard pretending to be a muggle in the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. 

TokyoMilk Dark Tainted Love No.62 Eau de Parfum. $36 for 1.6 fl oz ($22.50 per fl oz)




Although the gothic TokyoMilk aesthetic really appeals to me (I love the packaging, the pricing, and the themes equally), the perfume is just not very complex. It just smells like vanilla. The end. It's like the goth kid in high school who made you realize that still waters don't always run deep. The gothic kid who secretly wanted to be popular the whole time.

If this scent were being worn by a fictional character, it would be Allison Reynolds from The Breakfast Club (1985). 

30 comments:

  1. This is what your first two comparisons made me think of:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnvgq8STMGM

    Lol-ing all over the place

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  2. these are great little reviews! i have loads of perfume samples i need to use up, maybe something like this will motivate me someday :) the little comparison to fictional characters is hilarious too!

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    1. Do it! If you get a mountain of them, you gotta make something productive out of it.

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  3. I got a TokyoMilk gift set thing in a Sephora order once, and it gave me a headache as soon as I opened the shipping box, so I returned it without even opening the packaging to try anything. It was kind of sad-making, but with this review I guess I didn't miss much.

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    1. Bummer! I was hoping some of their other stuff was better. I WANT TO LOVE IT.

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  4. Ok, I love your blog already because you are snarky and tell it like it is. But you just pulled out a Petra Arkanian reference? Book version too. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. Mega love!

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    1. I don't watch movies of books I have read (and like. If I hated them, it's fair game.). ;) Personal policy.

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  5. I love all your reviews, but I just want to tell you how psyched I am to see a reference to Petra here.

    Thank you for all you're doing! You rock. :)

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  6. your description of Omnia Crystalline is hilarious to me because I've been wearing it constantly lately and the cold weather has made me give up on being a person until I see the first crocus shoots. Amazing spot-on description.

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    1. Ha! I'm glad you find it accurate.

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  7. I'm admitting it, I'm the goth kid who secretly wants to be popular. Except never being goth. But I love Tainted Love. I fully admit to being scent-inept, though. I have hundreds of samples but I can't review them because I just smell things as good or bad. I can't pick out notes if my life depended on it.

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    1. Perfume is the hardest thing for me to review! Although it takes me a long time to write color descriptions, too. "Uh. It's red. What kind of red...? Like, REALLY red. It's not like a firetruck. It's not like a rose. It's not like a sunburn. What is it?"

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  8. I come here for the reviews and leave laughing.

    And for the record, I refuse to watch the Ender's Game movie. How could they possibly capture all of that in a movie. Uh uh.

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  9. The commentary about the fictional characters is hysterical! (And this may be the first perfume review that I really believe that I understand what the scents are like - they're so hard to describe!)

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    1. They are very tricky to describe! It takes me a long time to write these...

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  10. Have you ever tried any of the CB I Hate Perfume scents? I admit I am slightly more interested in what fictional characters you put them on than in whether or not you like them, though.

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    1. I haven't! I like the name, though.

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  11. The Hanae Mori is one of my favorites. My friend got it and I steal it from him all the time. I love that it's deep and woody but not just gross and musky like so many dude perfumes are.

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    1. I didn't love it, but I do like it.

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  12. I have a sample of Marc Jacobs Daisy..I find it quite bland and uninteresting!
    Its pleasant, nothing bad about it. But nothing overly exciting about it either.

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    1. I liked it fine! It's definitely not a fascinating scent, though.

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  13. I love these reviews - hilarious! Now every time when I go sniff perfume, I have a little Robyn in my head making comparisons to fictional characters, it's great :-)


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    1. How successful are you at it? I always want to use the same ones over and over again!

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  14. My God you crack me up - Any chance your an INTJ?

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    1. I am reeeeeally opposed to Myers-Briggs. ;)

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  15. New to your site, and loving your reviews. You make me want to write a story about the Weasleys heading off on holiday to Brighton or Blackpool to commune with muggles in their native habitat. I can just see Mr. Weasley spraying Mrs. Weasley all over with Prada Luna Rossa so she'll smell just like a muggle.

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  16. I think your perfume reviews are my favorite part of your blog :)

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