About a year ago, Clump Crusher was released, with much fanfare. Apparently, the internet unilaterally decided that it was the BEST MASCARA EVER OH MY GOD YOUR LASHES WILL BE LIKE FEMININE, CURVY TREE TRUNKS AHHHHH. Recently, with the ringing endorsement of everyone who has ever been online still rolling around in my head, I decided that maybe I should actually purchase this motherfucker on the off chance that I'd Knights Templar this shit and find the Holy Grail.
Sadly, it was not to be.
The name "Clump Crusher" apparently refers to the mascara's inability to clump. To me, it sounds like the name of a really bad, D-list superhero. The "Green Jello" shade of the tube itself, though, is oddly enticing. It encases a moderately curvy brush.
Overall, I feel that the formula gives not-a-lot of a volume and a medium amount of length, which is pretty typical of relatively dry mascaras (which this is). Thankfully, even the waterproof formula is relatively easy to remove. It's totally adequate, but it's nothing to choreograph an elaborate jig about.
My biggest problem with this mascara is actually something that is kind of my fault. Clump Crusher comes in four colors: 'brown', 'brown-black', 'black', and 'very black'. Retrospectively, I should have purchased 'very black', but I purchased regular old 'black' instead, assuming (silly me) that it would, in fact, be black. Well, it's actually gray. Like, really gray. Like, "the color of a British shorthair kitten" gray. Silver lining: if you're looking for a gray mascara, guess what? I found one for you!
Here's a "before and after" of Clump Crusher.
One more time!
You can see, it doesn't look terrible or anything. It's just "not terrible or anything" isn't a very high standard for mascara-wearing, in my book.
Luckily, I have found one thing that I really do like it for: If you have any gloopy, gooey, so-wet-they-feel-like-undercooked-brownie-dough mascaras, I find that this works really well underneath them. A few layers of Clump Crusher to separate and add length and then a few layers of miscellaneous oozy-goo mascara to add oomf (I guess I'm just not using real words today) helps prevent spider lashes from the wetter mascara, but gives more drama than Clump Crusher does on its own.
Or, you know, you could just buy a mascara that doesn't need so much help...
Covergirl Clump Crusher retails for $8.99 for 0.44 fl oz, putting it at $20.43 per ounce.