Thursday, May 1, 2014

Review: Paul & Joe Beauté Full Coverage Lipstick in Retro 302

Fact: There is a 50% chance that a Paul & Joe makeup package is going to look like it belongs in a fantasy in which you are a mermaid, you have shells for a bra and anemones for false eyelashes, it's sunset, and the ocean is made of raspberry sherbet.



Fact: I bought this lipstick in a work-appropriate Retro 302 so that I could whip this out to casually reapply during the day and everyone would say, "Oh, look at that fancy-ass lipstick she has. I bet she is really popular and awesome." Or, more accurately: "Why is she applying lipstick at work at 3pm when it is ninety degrees outside?" Or, even more accurately: "Nice to see you, Robyn. I have paperwork to do. Goodbye."



Fact: The PJ that is engraved on this lipstick has a really fancy script, but it still seems like it must stand for either "pajamas" or "peanut butter and jelly".


Fact: Retro 302 is in the same vein as a "my lips but better" shade, but it leans more orange-y. Your local thrift store likely has a dress from the 1980s in this color.

Fact: There is a part of me that really wanted to call this a "scallop" color. Upon googling pictures of scallops, I have concluded that this is more of a "scallop gonad" color, as evidenced here, on the RAM Marine Station website.


Fact: This lipstick applies patchily and unevenly. Remember that one time when you tried that new foundation and then caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror in a well-lit area and recoiled in horror at how your face was simultaneously melting off and flaking off? This is the lipstick version of that foundation.

Fact: Anything that is really patchy is not actually "full coverage", by definition.

Fact: There are a lot of nude-y lipsticks out there, even if they don't have the kind of spectacular packaging that makes me want to set things on fire from passion.

It doesn't look that bad but it is.
Fact: This lipstick does not last well.

Here's how it looks at application-


And here is how it looks four hours and a meal later-


It's like a magician's disappearing act!

Fact: I have not been able find another lipstick that I can successfully depot into the Paul and Joe cases, since those lipsticks are narrower than your first tampon was.

Fact: I paid $17 for both the case and the lipstick from the Birchbox store, but most places sell the two separately, for a higher price. Beauty.com and Dermstore are both selling the refills alone for $20. At 0.105oz per lipstick, that's $161.90 per ounce or $190.48 per ounce, respectively. This is slightly more expensive than MAC, which rings in at $150 per ounce.

Conclusion: You should probably just buy the case and carry it around, stroking it gently, like a kitten. As a bonus, this will guarantee that your lipstick won't melt in the car this summer.

43 comments:

  1. Thank you for making me smile and even giggle a little at this post, which I desperately needed at the moment. Massively cheered up now by silliness combined with stuff *I need to know* like lipstick reviews. Keep on keeping on :)

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  2. "scallop gonad". I will carry that expression with me.

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  3. I almost was like...but Ali, you have more makeup and skincare stuff than you can ever use, you don't need to subscribe to this no matter how hilarious she is. Then I read through the rest of this post and decided I give a shit about makeup suddenly. This is important cause I will take your positives as seriously as your well written negatives, but beautifully done!

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    Replies
    1. You can always read purely for the entertainment factor and lock your credit card away. ;)

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  4. Take out the lipstick bullet and turn the case into a fancy emergency tampon holder!

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  5. Very pretty color, but I can tell from that shot of the lipstick itself that it's not a great lipstick. It just looks like it would be patchy. In general I don't think the should pill like that.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, it was definitely a disappointment.

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  6. Thanks for the review, Paul & Joe isn't a brand I see very often! I wonder if the Dior Addict lipsticks could be depotted into the P&J case? They're pretty skinny.

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    Replies
    1. I have not the foggiest idea! I have never tried those lipsticks.

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  7. Blarg. Good to know. But hey, your makeup looks really gorgeous, aside from the disappearing lipstick.

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  8. hahah love your views Robyn! Too bad the lipstick didn't work out for you, you looked great with it on!

    BTW, I miss your almost daily posts :( Where will I get my non-bs beauty news from now???

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    Replies
    1. Sorry! I am really exhausted as of late.

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  9. You look fantastic with glasses and it's a shame the lipstick is no good, because the color looks gorgeous on you!
    - Michelle

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  10. Who knew Scallop Gonad could be such an alluring shade on you?

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  11. Awesome review ! I stumbled upon your blog while goggling reviews for other beauty products & became ADDICTED ! I wish I would have found your sooner & saved loads and loads of money $! I was curious to know if you have ever reviewed any of Marlenna's Makeup Geeks products- specifically eye shadows- and if so can you direct me towards that review? If you haven't can you PLEASE review them. I've heard they are really affordable & comparable to MAC & even Tom Ford eye shadows (for a very small fraction of the cost). Anyway great blog !!!

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    Replies
    1. I have not tried them, sorry!

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    2. I got to this page by googling to see if you had reviewed her shadows yet. I trust you to give an honest opinion outside of hype so was hoping you had

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  12. I want it even though you've said it's no good. There's no hope for me.

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    Replies
    1. Bahaha. At least try a different shade?

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  13. Is it just me or is that definitely a P and an L?

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    Replies
    1. Maybe if the bottom loop was longer…?

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  14. Fact: you are awesome, and that lipstick looks fabulous on you (even if it doesn't quite perform as you'd like)!

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  15. Mmm, scallop gonad. You should file that idea away in case you ever decide to start up your own makeup line.

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    Replies
    1. I would have the weirdest customers.

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  16. It seriously does look great on you, and your glasses do, too. However, I have yet to see something that does NOT look great on you, so I think it just might have something to do with you, and not the scallop gonad du jour. As always, fun review! Thanks.

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    Replies
    1. I'm a big advocate of the idea that anyone can pull off any look!

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  17. I have no idea what foundation you have on but your skin looks Gaussian blur perfect. I love it. I also really love the color of this lipstick, and it's too dang bad about the finish!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. It is not perfect, but makeup is great.

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  18. It looks gorgeous - I don't think it wears too badly, but I have low standards for wear time. PS I've chosen you for a liebster award http://lenatalksbeauty.wordpress.com/2014/05/04/liebsteraward/

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  19. The new [to me, at least] glasses are super cute!

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  20. I think you have gorgeous skin anyway, but your skin looks poreless and flawless in this post! If you don't mind, what skin products are you using here? Thank you :)

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    Replies
    1. Wet'n'Wild Coverall is the foundation, with theBalm's concealer.

      Delete
  21. Call 1-855-637-4055 for any qualified palm reader. I'd love take your own time to help let people know information about THE hottest free psychic chat page. I have been operating definitely challenging, thanks for enabling me to mention your together in you.

    ReplyDelete

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