Douglas Adams famously said that he loves the whooshing sound that deadlines make as they go by.
…And that's clearly why I'm reviewing August's Birchbox in September. Here's what my box looked like:
I find the "TEE-HEE TEE-HEE TEE-HEE" adorned packaging in this box to be kind of ridiculous. I am trying to imagine the logic at Birchbox headquarters when they chose that.
"What's LOLCATs-y, but not too LOLCATs-y?"
"Is there a minor James Bond villain henchman we'd like to honor via cardboard?"
"If we just plaster the box with pictures from Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga, we'd probably be breaking some sort of copyright law…"
Here's what I got this month:
Amika Perk-Up Dry Shampoo (0.75 oz), approximate retail value $2.97
Today, I am ill. I am a sweaty sick person. The rest of my life, I'm normal. When I'm sick, I'm damp.
I've used this dry shampoo a few times, but never in extreme circumstances. In daily use, I tend to find that aerosol dry shampoo does not vary a lot.
When life hands you lemons, you should definitely spray different sections of your hair with various brands of dry shampoo and visually compare results.
Turns out? I'm still not convinced that aerosol dry shampoos vary significantly. I do look very slightly less like I should be combing my hair back while wearing a leather jacket, though, so we have some small victories here.
Harvey Prince Ageless Body Cream (0.5 fl oz), approximate retail value $0.91
If you have ever made grapefruit frosting before, you know that grapefruit does not taste like itself when enveloped in the sugary embrace of buttercream. It does, however, taste like this lotion smells.
Dr. Jart+ PORE MEDIC Pore Minish Primer (0.2 fl oz), approximate retail value $6.40
I was not expecting to like this primer as much as I did. Although it's clearly got that signature "dimethicone" feel, it's clearly used in a more reasonable proportion than, say, the classic Smashbox Photo Finish Primer. It feels less thick and that "am I painting my face with slippery latex?" feeling is absent.
It's pleasant. It fills pores. It looks nice.
Vasanti Detox Nutrient-Rich Purifying Facial Cleanser (0.68 fl oz), approximate retail value $3.22
Did someone say "detox"?
Hold on, deep breath:
(It's just another generic, overpriced face wash using weird pseudoscientific buzzwords to sell their product.)
Noir Cosmetics Long-Wear Eyeliner (full size at 0.04oz), retail value $15
I feel like I should be able to speak more eloquently about soft eyeliner pencils. I can give you forty page essays on a single perfect matte rid lipstick, but, with eyeliners, I just don't have anything important to say.
If you buy a fair bit of makeup, you already know what this eyeliner is like. You have already tried a hundred eyeliners exactly like this eyeliner.
It's black. That is a color you are familiar with. I don't have to explain it to you. It's neither the blackest black nor the crappiest black.
You might be wearing an eyeliner exactly like it right now.
It's totally adequate (save for the packaging which looks like it belongs in an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch).
Total Box Value: $28.50
Overall, the box is fine. Other than the facewash, all the products have value to me. However, there was nothing that I could get excited about. Nothing in this box changed my life. I wouldn't buy any of it.
If you suddenly realized that a Birchbox subscription will give you thrills and chills, you are always welcome to use my referral link by clicking here.